1. people that chronically tell you how things are done wherever the fuck they are from (or how their particular group of people they associate with ie. race, religion, or whatever does "X") in a manner that suggests you are ignorant and wherever they are from is better than wherever you are during that particular moment.
a. go fuck yourself.
b. go back there.
-example: while eating plantains: "hmm. these plantains are eeeehhh OK. but you know what, the way dominicans make plaintains is BLA BLA BLA. and its really good and waaaay better than the way you guys make it. do you guys know what plantains are? cuz the ones we have in DR are the best ever"
-example: during any convo, somebody can possibly bust out on a misinformed rant like this one: "oh see, it's cuz you guys are from the suburbs. i am from queens and let me tell you, in queens ....bla bla bla SHUT THE FUCK UP!
you get the point. im too lazy and filled with hate to continue.
i ruv japanese people. i bet i can have better convo with these bitches then the ones i find at spots in the city during the week (plus, im sure they wont reject me). NY bitches are getting whacker every day.
all i can say is that i am glad i have a bike (unlike some people on this blog). check out these short films and do like the slogan: "now get on your bike and ride". if puma's slick marketing doesn't convince you to get a bike after this, you must be republican. linkage
as a pat on our backs for working on sunday, we will be at forbidden city around 6pm tomorrow (wednesday). we think it's 2 for 1 drinks till 8 as well so get there early and enjoy a few. i'll be getting there after 8pm so have a few drinks for me.
rain will be debuting his new magic trick/show. it'll just cost you one drink.
super thanks to all of our supporters this weekend!
including: pemora and DTM's family DMP and all of her friends 4th floor walk up and his wife jermaine aka kanye our pratt people--alex, laurel, melinda susie and her man jelo!!! melly's friends jessie and mike's friends and all of the people who helped up set up--jonathan, steven, avelee, little steven, kelwin.
we wouldn't have had an amazing sunday without all of you.
After an amazing weekend, I woke up to George Carlin's stand up on the radio. After a small excerpt, they announced that it was a goodbye tribute. Sad to say, yesterday George Carlin died of heart failure, at 71.
My all time favorite comedian, whose thought process and style of comedy has influenced my views, and my creativity in so many ways. I can't put into words how much this guy has influenced me. Here are some of my favorite routines.
contrary to the picture i drew and what i've been telling everyone, the flea opens at 10am and closes at 5. we'll be acting a fool and trying our hardest to get kicked out. as well as make some money. whatever happens first...
Went to this sports bar and they were charging $5 at the door for showing a fight. This cute little chick was working the door and was marking everyone's hands.
I get inside and realize she drew a smiley face on my hand. I thought, sweet. Cute chick working the door is vibin me. I meet up with my friends and showed them the smiley face. And they just looked and laughed. I didn't know what the big joke was.
Apparently, everyone had smiley faces on their hands.
Everyone thought I was a chump for thinkin the chick working the door was feelin me. You know me. Don't ever tell me I can't make it happen. So, obviously I went up to her.
Me: I thought I was special cuz I had a smiley face on my hand.
Door Chick: Oh yeah. Sorry. She gives me a smile. Do you want me to draw something else.
Me: Sure. I put out my hand. She begins to draw a smiley face with more details.
Door Chick: There you go. She gives me another smile.
Me: Now you gotta autograph it. Just in case you ever get famous, I can say I got an original. I know I know a little corny.
Door Chick: Of course. She begins to sign it.
Me: Nice. Now you just gotta put your phone number underneath that.
Door Chick:She smiles and giggles. Oh I'm sorry but I have a boyfriend.
Me: Oh thats too bad. Hey. You can't blame a guy for trying. She smiles as I walk away.
Now, I know I didn't get the number, but when I got back to my friends and told them the story they thought it was a pretty smooth move. Not bad for a Chump.
I know I know. These stories are suppose to be about my insane trip in and out of singledom. But, I can only do soo much to fill this blog up with content. Besides, this story is just too good not to tell.
A friend of mine was visiting from out of town. My friend, my home girl, and I hit up this bar the night she got in. There were a bunch of us there and we were all maxin and relaxin.
Then I notice that there are these seven guys standin behind me. I'm looking around trying to figure out who they had beef with, but then one of them came up to my friend and told her that his friend was feelin my home girl.
I took a step back, I figure she can handle herself. After a couple of minutes, the seven guys walk towards the back of the bar. My home girl came up to her and she says " Do you know who that is?"
We're both looking at each other with this dumbfounded look. She says, thats Rev Run's kid. You know from Run's House.
I hate reality TV. Obviously, I didn't know who he was and my home girl didn't know either.
Apparently, Jojo (Rev Run's son) told his friend to tell my friend that she and my home girl should come to the back of the bar and hang out with them.
So, my friend and my home girl went over there to hang out. Me and the other guys told them that they better come back with a couple of bottles. I figure he gonna try and act all big baller.
They come back with no bottle. I'm more than disappointed. Their conversation was the pinnacle of how to not kick it to a cool chick.
First off, Jojo was on his phone most of the time and here are some of the excerpts of their conversation.
My Home Girl : So where do you guys live?
Jojo : Jersey
My Home Girl : ewww why do you live there?"
Jojo : we gonna get a place in the city...but we got a big place in jersey
Don't you mean, my DADDY is gonna get me a spot in the city, but my DADDY has a big place in jersey.
Jojo : So how old are you girls?
My Friend : 24 and 25
Turns to his boy Jojo : Yo they're both older than us.
Yeah these guys were as smooth as sandpaper.
Jojo : We're gonna go to pacha and chill in the VIP. We do VIP all the time.
Rule of thumb. If you make a big deal of pointing out you go somewhere, you're definitely not cool enough to be there.
We chilled at the spot a little longer and my friend was thinking of scheming a drink off of Jojo. So she went to the back of the bar again.
She was chilling with them for a while and she was hinting that she wanted a drink and they never got her one.
After she told me the story I said I guess his allowance ran out, what a cheap bastard. You keep frontin like you a baller with your "i'm gettin a spot in the city" and your "we roll VIP everywhere we go" and you can't even buy a chick you think is fly a drink.
i like animals that are categorized as "mini" for some reason. ever since i was little, i have been able to pick up any pet i have owned. from my mini turtles, to a few hermit crabs, to my old mini chihuahua (and now my mini pinscher), i just really like small pets.
i think it's time i got a pet that can keep my mini pinscher company during the day. i can just imagine her cuddling up to one of these mini potbelly pigs and LOVING it (probably because she loves meat and would love to taste it). pigs love to look for food just like my dog does--they can be the best of friends.
if u have an A/C unit that you would like to donate. please let me know on here. that would be awesome. or if u have 1 to sell, that would be great too. please. it's really hot outside and inside. there is no a/c at work or at home. i am dying.
i love pin up girl art and jason d'aquino is doing it up. check out the stuff he's doing on matchbooks...so small yet so detailed! there's going to be a show of his work at the fuse gallery downtown. i might need to go check that out (if i ever have time!).
sometimes rain and i have discussions and we make no sense. rain is moving and we were discussing the move when all of a sudden:
rain: JC is straight DTM. u need to expand your horizons. me: HUH? JC. like---jesus christ? and what does jesus have to do with anything? rain: JERSEY CITY!!! me: HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA jesus. in my book, JC always means jesus christ. rain: who's that? haha jp.damn dont send me to hell jesus!
hence, the poll on the side of the blog (look to the right). apparently we have a bunch of jersey heads reading the blog though.
Me and my boy roll up to this party. A pretty happening shindig. Free food, free wine, and live music. Side note - My boy is one of the best wing men out there.
Anyways, we're at the spot no more than 5 mins and my boy recognizes this chick, who has a friend. He goes in makes a little small talk and bam! We're in there, like swim wear. Definitely cool chicks but we wanted mingle.
After a while we started moving around the party and ran into a bunch of our friends. I spot this girl standing all by her lonesome. My boy sees me checkin her out and says, naw man, you can't go up to a beautiful chick when she is by herself. He didn't even finish giving me a reason and I had already started walkin over to her.
All you gotta do is tell me I can't do something and I WILL make it happen.
So I go up to her and say "Hi. I need to prove a point to my friend. My boy over there thinks that a guy can't just go up to a pretty girl standing by herself. I think you can. So, just laugh like I said something funny. She laughs. Thanks so much. You're awesome."
As I finish saying it, she takes a glance at my boys and they're all laughing and she blushes. I walk back to my friends and they tell me to go back and talk to her. I was playing it cool and just let her be. My friends walk to the front and I went up to the chick and made a little small talk and got the digits.
We go back upstairs and find the first 2 girls we met earlier, with 2 more girls with them. We end up going to a pizza parlor close by. One of the chicks decides to head home and is trying to hail down a cab. I run over and flag one down for her. Before she gets in I grab her digits.
I get back to her 3 remaining friends and my boy is trying to kick it to one of them. So I gotta run interference with the other 2 chicks. I was getting bored very quickly so when one of the girls asked me my name, I said my name was Paul. She says "No way! My name is Paula!" (Not the name I used and not her real name, but you get the idea.) I thought to myself man this is just too easy.
We end up leaving the pizza place and find our way to another bar. We're there hanging out with them and we make friends with the table of 4 girls next to us. The first group of girls leave and Paula grabs my phone and puts her number in it.
So me and my boy are hanging out with the girls from the table next to us. I'm just sitting in the middle of these 2 girls and we're chillin and I come to find out that one of them is only in town for the weekend. I figure maybe she wants to have some fun with some happy go lucky guys on her vacation. So I got her digits.
Ok. So maybe I questioned my closing skills a little prematurely. All I needed was to get out there and make it happen. Just like I always do.